- Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her. ~Val Doonican
- If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson
- If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~Dean Martin
- When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown
- My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli
- "Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes." ~Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985
- The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez
- Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. ~Tiger Woods
- Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~Jimmy DeMaret
- "Hit it hard. It will land somewhere."Mark Calcavecchia
- "Now there is a perfectly sliced shot. And by perfect, I mean it sucked". -Outlaw Golf
- "Well, it's pretty clear that this player cannot sink any lower than this. Until his wife leaves him. Then he becomes an alcoholic". - Outlaw Golf 2
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